


That Boy In Your Class

by JamieJay



Category: haikyuu
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Self-Harm, Yaoi, tsukkiyama - Freeform, worried tsukishima, yamaguchi must be protected
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 00:59:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13823142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamieJay/pseuds/JamieJay
Summary: “that boy in your class,doesn’t rememberwhat it’s like to not cry.he cries himself to sleepevery night.but hey, he smiles.so he’s okay.right?“





	That Boy In Your Class

**Author's Note:**

> I came up with this idea while reading a version of the poem below on tumblr (if anyone knows who wrote it please tell me). Please don’t hate me, I never thought I would write angst, but when I thought about it I just wanted to write it down.

That’s the second time this week, the third of the month that Tadashi doesn’t appear at school, this hadn’t happened in a while, about a year actually, so obviously Tsukki is worried. He is fucking worried about his boyfriend, because his boyfriend hates to miss school, but most of all he is frustrated, what happened? Yesterday, Yamaguchi missed school as well and since then Kei has been sending tons of messages asking what happened and there are no answers. What the fuck is happening? Has he done something wrong? He doesn’t recall. Has something happened to Tadashi? Well, his parents would have told him, they know they are dating and they accept it, they just love their son-in-law.  
  
The last bell rangs and Tsukki is too tired and sad without his boyfriend to go to practice, the whole day people asked him where Yamaguchi was and he got angrier and angrier for not knowing. Before leaving the classroom, he goes to Tadashi’s desk and just stares at it, he wants his lover, he wants to hear his laugh, to see his smile and his freckles and to feel him.   
People wouldn’t think Kei is a clingy boyfriend and he isn’t, but he’s possessive and just like a spoiled child he likes to have the people and stuff he likes around him, all the time if possible, besides he does not only like Yamaguchi, he loves him, so he should be always there and Tsukki wants to be wanted by Yamaguchi’s side as well, he wants to shower the boy with love and never let him go.

Tsukishima puts a hand on the desk and he finally notice something written on it, it definitely is Tadashi’s handwriting, it’s a poem, it says:

that boy in your class,  
he laughs.  
he has a smile that lights up   
an entire room.

that boy in your class,   
he has great grades,  
he doesn’t even have to try.

that boy in your class,  
he has seemingly amazing friends,  
who care about him.

that boy in your class,  
he has scars;  
lines marking his body  
and friends that don’t notice  
and some that don’t care.

that boy in your class,  
doesn’t remember  
what it’s like to not cry.  
he cries himself to sleep  
every night.

but hey, he smiles.  
so he’s okay.  
right?

Tsukishima is afraid, what is this? It can’t be from Yamaguchi... but it is his desk and his writing, he did always wait for everybody get out of the locker room so he would change into and out of his uniform... and Yamaguchi doesn’t go to the beach nor the pool, he doesn’t feel comfortable being intimate... no it can’t be, not his Tadashi, no, no, no.

Just no.

Tsukishima is running, he has to get out of this school and be on Yamaguchi’s house as fast as possible, he has to hold his boyfriend and be sure that he’s alright, that poem is not about him, no way! He runs and runs, when he’s about to get through the gates Hinata stops him.

“Tsukishi-“

“I’M IN A HURRY, HINATA! GET OUT!”

“Wait! I’ve got a message from Yamaguchi for you! He told me he hasn’t spoken to you and you’d probably would be worried, he says he’s okay, it’s just a cold. He didn’t want to talk to you, because you would go to him and he doesn’t want you getting it from him.”

What a lie, whenever Yamaguchi was sick he would call Tsukki first thing, because he loves to be spoiled by his boyfriend, Kei can’t believe Tadashi is lying to him, it has never happened before, at least he thinks so, or used to, now he feels like he doesn’t know anything anymore. “Thanks Hinata. Please tell Daichi I’m not feeling well, I’m going home.” It’s all Tsukki manages to say, Hinata gives out a smile and screams to Tsukishima to tell Yamaguchi to get well as soon as the blond runs.

As Tsukki gets to his lover house, Tadashi’s mother opens the door. “Hello, Kei, he hasn’t left his room since the day before yesterday, I don’t know what to do, I wanted to call you, but the only thing he asked me when he got home was not to call you. I thought you boys had fought, please help me.”

“Yamaguchi-san, I’m so sorry for not coming sooner, can I try speaking to him?”

He gets in, takes off his shoes and goes upstairs. The Yamaguchi’s residence is a two-floor house, it’s not big, but it’s really cozy and it is the type of house you’d like to call home, Kei always felt at ease there, but now he is trembling, afraid, nervous, worried, there’s so much going through his brain, Tadashi doesn’t want to see him, should he go home? But if what is on that desk is true than he cannot go home, he read about it, mental illness and stuff, but never actually thought there would be someone close to him, someone important to him going through it, of course he wouldn’t be able to understand it, but there’s no way he would let Tadashi go through that alone.

He knocks.

“Go away, mom. If I’m hungry I’ll get something on the fridge.”

Yamaguchi-san who still is by Kei’s side gives a weak chuckle and says “Well, at least he answered, it’s the first time I heard his voice since Wednesday. I’ll be downstairs, love, give you some privacy.” She squeezes Tsukki’s arm and goes to the stairs.

Tsukki knocks again, this time there is no answer, “Yamaguchi, it’s me...”, nothing, not even the slightest sound. “Hey, please, let me see you, I miss you so much, I-I cannot even think straight... I...” Kei is crying, he wants to hug his lover. But he doesn’t have time for that right now, he has to be here for Tadashi. “I read the poem on your desk, Yamaguchi... Tadashi, please let me be by your side, please don’t suffer alone, I know it isn’t a cold, just talk to-“.

At that moment, Kei hears the door being unlocked, but it hasn’t been opened. He waits as he hears steps going far from the door, only when he hears it no more he opens the door, the whole room is dark even though there is still sun outside, the curtains closed shut and no lights on. The only light inside is the one coming from the hallway.

“Can I turn on the lights?”

He sees the shadow of an arm coming out of the covers in the bed and then the hand pointing to the table lamp, the taller walks to the headboard and turns on the lamp. He sits on the bed, close to the person under the covers, but not touching.

“I can just be here, you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to even though I think it would be best, but I cannot say for sure that it will make you feel better for I do not know what the hell you are feeling. Or we can talk, well, you would talk and I would listen, no judgments, because I don’t know if you know that, but I would never judge you, Yamaguchi, nor anyone with a mental illness, if that’s what this is, but I won’t judge you, specially you, you are the love of my life, so please, don’t shut me out, at least aloud me in here, please.”

There is a movement under the covers, the shorter boy reaches out his hand and holds onto his boyfriend’s. Slowly, Tadashi comes out, he doesn’t meet Tsukki’s eyes, but the blond couldn’t care less, his boyfriend is here; Tadashi’s not wearing anything but his boxers so Kei can see scars scattered all over that beautiful body, there are a lot on his thighs and a few on his hips and stomach.

“I guess now you know why I didn’t like touching so much.” Yamaguchi says with a weak smile, still not meeting his boyfriends eyes. Tsukki hates that forced smile. He doesn’t want to see it or think about it so he kisses Tadashi, it’s just a quick kiss, but its meaning... ‘ I’m here ‘ that’s what it says. Kei squeezes Tadashi’s hands. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“It’s oka-“

“But I will. I just... I don’t want you looking at me...”

Tsukishima is hating that voice, that tone that says ‘I don’t want you looking at this body, I don’t want you to be disgusted by me.’

“Can I hold you, then?”

Yamaguchi nods and they lay down, Tsukki with his stomach facing up and Tadashi over him with his face buring where Tsukishima’s neck meets his shoulder. The taller hugs him hard, reassuring, kisses his lover head and starts to play with his hair. Anything to reminds Yamaguchi and himself that they are both here, together.

“It started before we met, I, sometimes, would feel empty whenever kids bullied me, not sad nor angry, just pure numbness and a huge despair would follow it. One day it happened again and I was alone at home and accidentally cut myself with the scissors in my room while trying to do a homework, I don’t wanna speak details, but I felt calm after, not really calm but something and I would accept anything else, I would hold onto it as strong as I could.”  
Tsukki feels warm tears on his neck, as well on his cheeks. He wants to punch all those kids that bullied Tadashi, he couldn’t understand what they had on their minds, the boy was so beautiful, inside out. How could they just be blind to it? Bunch of idiots.

“When we met the weight on my chest and the rope I felt around my neck felt lighter, but they were still there, I harmed myself until last year of middle school. On our last year I decided to stop for real, I couldn’t do it anymore not after you confessed to me, whenever I thought about I remembered you and I didn’t wanted to do that to me. So I didn’t, I don’t.”

“Thank, God.”

Kei does not notice he says that out loud, but Yamaguchi smiles, for real and Tsukki kisses his forehead.

“But the emptiness still comes, sometimes worse than others, yesterday it was really bad. Today, I was tired. But I’m better, not good, but better. I cried, it helps and being able to feel you, hear you, smell you and see you help even more. But it’s here you know? Before you arrived I was feeling so angry, why can’t I just be normal? I don’t wanna be a burden to you. And I know you’ll say I’m not, but, now, for me, it will feel like it’s a lie.”

“Then I’ll just have to say it until your brain doesn’t think of anything else. I love you, you are not a burden, I still want to be with you for the rest of my life, scars and all. You’re not alone. I won’t ask you to go to therapy if you don’t want to, because if I know you I’m sure you thought about it, but was terrified of taking medicine and its side effects, but please talk to your mom, you need people, we all do, and if I’m not around she will, so will your dad, they won’t love you less. Neither will I.”  
Kei changes position so his facing Yamaguchi and his boyfriend will be all he sees. “Tadashi, I love you, I love you, I love you and I love you.”

Tsukishima repeats it over a hundred times for what it feels like hours, kissing the shorter’s freckles each time he says it. They cuddle for a while until Kei stands up and reach his hands to Tadashi so they can eat. Yamaguchi speaks to his mother right away, he is too afraid to do it later and he feels safer having his boyfriend by his side. She cries, obviously. She hugs him, holds his hands and asks to see at least one scar, he doesn’t want to but shows one of the firsts, on his arm close to his shoulder, she presses her fingers over it and says softly “No more.”

They eat, Tsukishima asks if he can stay the night and Yamaguchi-san agrees, Tadashi goes to his room again and Kei calls his parents.

When he gets to the bedroom he finds once again his boyfriend on the bed, as small as possible. But this time there is no covers hiding him, the curtains are open showing a sky full of stars, Tsukki hugs him and Tadashi presses his back against the taller.

Those freckles were full of tears again.

Kei kisses the back of Yamaguchi’s neck and starts all over again, repeating over and over, “I love you.”

When they wake up, the sun is in the middle of the sky already, it is Saturday so there’s no hurry in getting up. Tadashi turns so he faces his lover, he smiles, truly.

“I love you, Tsukki.”

He never felt as light as he is right now.

Bad days come, but they become less. And when it’s too hard he has people who wants to be there for him. And they are, and they help.

And forever, Tsukki helps, forever and ever.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So that’s it. 
> 
> Guys, I suffer with depression and anxiety I self-harmed in the past, but with help of friends I got better, I don’t like anti depressives bc I don’t feel like myself while taking them, so I got bette doing alternative options. I just ask you to never give up on yourself and ask for help.
> 
> It gets better.


End file.
